Sunday, December 18, 2005

just needed some silliness

Mr. T Facts:

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.

5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.

When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.

Mr T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Mr. T's Mohawk is not held up by hair gel, his hair is just scared of him and is trying to get as far away as possible.

Mr. T does not actually pity fools. He is just being sarcastic. No one has noticed because it is difficult to pick up such subtleties while being bludgeoned.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.

Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

2 Comments:

At 11:16 PM, Anonymous Stewie said...

so if i could do all those things; i'd get a lunchbox, and my own cartoon series?

 
At 11:42 PM, Anonymous Doug said...

I pity the fool who took the time to write this post! Just kiddin..

Here is a great quote by the man himself...

"I believe in the Golden Rule — The Man with the Gold . . . Rules."

 

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